10/25/2017 0 Comments Real ForgivenessForgiveness is always a popular topic in Christian circles. I’ve sat through so many studies with forgiveness as the central theme, I’ve lost count. With all the head knowledge I have on the subject, you would think that all my questions would have been answered and forgiveness would roll off me like sweat after boxing class; but that just isn’t the case. Don’t misunderstand, I have taken massive steps in recent years and thought I had finally gotten rid of old grievances and I have, sort of.
I have discovered that forgiveness is a choice I must make every day. Sometimes the little irritations repeated over time require more prayer and conscience effort to forgive than the big abuses of my past. I have learned that sweeping something under the rug doesn’t make it go away, I must deal with the little problems before they become big ones. And every time I choose to face the issue and forgive, I gain energy and motivation to move ahead. You would think that the amazing feeling of freedom I experience when I fully forgive would be motivation to continue the process of restoration that I started when I chose to forgive the first time, but I encountered a challenge recently that I am trying to muster the courage face. I’ve come to the end of another book about the subject, and the epilogue lead me through several steps to achieve ultimate freedom, and I’m struggling with the last one. Step one is to honestly pray a blessing over the person who has hurt you, easy peasy. Step two said to write down the name of the person in a prayer journal and continue to pray for them, okie dokie. Step three is where I have the problem. According to John Bevere, in “The Bait of Satan”, when my heart is strong and settled, I should go to them! What? The real kicker is that I shouldn’t do it with an attitude of “Remember all the rotten things you did to me, you smuck? Yeah, well, I forgive you! Be grateful!” As soon as I read that, the face of someone from childhood popped into my head, and I just can’t get rid of his visage. The tug of the Holy Spirit on me to seek out and talk to this person is unmistakable. But the reluctance to do so is almost overwhelming. Can’t I just forgive in my heart and avoid visiting this guy? Yes, I believe that I can, but I also think that God doesn’t want me to stop there. The next step might be the one that leads to a crucial breakthrough. Or am I wishing for closure when it might not be available? Also, if I am the one who is in the wrong in the relationship, I can’t offer any excuses, just apologies. I should humbly apologize to the person I wronged, no pride, no jokes, just a sincere “I’m sorry I hurt you, and I forgive you for how you hurt me”. Whatever shame, resentment, or resistance to confrontation I feel must be pushed aside to make way for truth and healing. My cheeks are burning just thinking about doing that to some of the people I hurt during my drinking days. I’m caught in a conundrum of confrontation, who do I approach first? One devil from my past who is safely locked away in a maximum-security prison (the other is rotting in a grave) or my personal demons that got me in so much trouble with former friends? And do I have the strength to do either? The answer to that last question is no, I don’t, at least, not on my own. Only with God’s help can I do either one. The process of forgiveness is a somewhat daunting journey, and the next step seems impossibly insurmountable. God is holding out His hand to help me over these boulders, all I have to do now is grab on and not let go.
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AuthorI am a Christian, a wife, a mom, and a part-time basket case who wants to be a full time writer.
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