8/20/2020 0 Comments 2020 Vision2020 VisionWow. It has been quite a while since I posted in this blog. It’s not that I haven’t written anything, it’s just that every time I would get ready to publish, the material was no longer relevant. This year has been so very… 2020. It seems that whatever was true about yesterday is different today, except God!
God has used this time of forced isolation to bring so many people to himself. He didn’t cause it, but He is certainly using all for His good. In an instance, sports, celebrity, and even school was taken away from us, and the only thing we had to look towards was God, except most didn’t. After the rules to stay at home were lifted slightly, everyone seemed to take to the streets in righteous anger that turned rancid. The fight for justice was hijacked and cities burned. The sweet Facebook posts that had purported we were all in this together didn’t really hold up when the doors reopened. Everyone was angry, everyone was right, and no one wanted to listen to the other side. The lines that divided this country (and my family) were etched deeper into the general psyche. Turmoil tried to triumph, except God was always in control! Everyone knows what the first half of this year was like for majority of people. Regardless of whether or not a person was pro face mask or against, believed the virus was the start of Armageddon, or watched every episode of Tiger King, we all experienced the impact of this year. Of course, no two families had the exact same experience or outcome and some us struggled in ways that no one really knew, except God. Personally, I used the forced isolation and extra time off to better myself. I now speak fluent French and play the violin, I can make a mean sourdough bread with just three ingredients and have crocheted facemasks for my entire family, and I have established a healthy eating routine that my entire family relishes and enjoys; except I didn’t! None of that was true! In actuality, I panic bought two case of toilet paper, made a weak attempt at sourdough, and cried regularly. Apparently, I’m not the stoic rock I thought I might be in the face of worldwide pandemonium. I don’t know why I thought I would be like that, I cry watching cheesy movies and random sporting events, the myth of being put together passed many years ago. The one thing that I did figure out during the first half of the year was that my future was not to stay at the warehouse. I had developed friends and even stepped into a position of leadership within the company, but I wasn’t satisfied. The dreams God had given me didn’t involve the labor I had grown accustom to. My volunteer work had stopped as well and I was faced with more time on my hands and lots of extra energy. I was desperately looking for something and feeling that God was calling me to a new thing. I say new thing because I think it can do a disservice to the old thing when people say that God is calling them to something greater. The old thing might not be less, just different. The ember of my calling was starting to burn in my chest and I couldn’t contain it any longer. In June, I applied for a paid position at another company and stepped down from my staff position in my volunteer organization. Suddenly, the safety net of a close Christian community was gone and I was free falling into something I didn’t even realize I wanted to do, but knew I should. My personal part of this planet was suddenly just as unstable as the rest of the world, and for the first time is the history of me, I was okay with it. The ability to look at my life and the uncertainty in it and everything around me and not panic was astounding. I finally figured out that I didn’t need permission from any earthly authority to pursue the things that I was called to, I just needed God. I didn’t need the security that comes from a 401K, to be secure, I just needed God. I didn’t need so many of the things I had put my faith, hope, and trust in before the virus, I just needed God. God hadn’t just removed the obstacles to faith from the lives of just the general populace, He took them away from my life too. In my moments of doubt and fear when I thought I was alone, in the moments when I worked double shifts so I could get out of my head and not think about the madness around me, in the moments of panic when I held on too fiercely to the things that fade with time, in the moments that I waited for a return text or call that never came because the other person didn’t realize I was desperately holding onto my last shred of sanity, God was there. The shut down opened my heart to the truth that God was the only thing I should rely on. I fell apart to have Him pick me up again and again. Each time, He would hold me tight and tell me everything would be alright, but that alright looked different than I thought it should. I didn’t need to know what was next or around the corner, I just needed to keep moving forward. A week after I stepped away from my staff position, Jesus spoke to me in a dream. It was incredible and calmed my fear that I had acted too rashly. He said that the time for God like distractions was over, it was time to step into my godly destination. He showed me the climb ahead and the narrow path I would need to take and then He assured me He would be with me the entire way. I finally understood that my pursuit of what I thought I wanted had become more important than the fire God had ignited in my heart. At some point, I had stopped going after the things of God, and had started seeking after recognition and praise from earthly leaders that could never see the desires of my heart. I hadn’t turned my back on God, I had just put others in front of Him and had started striving for what was good and not what was God. 2020 has been quite a year, and I am so grateful for it. I get to pursue dreams I never knew I had while I walk with the broken that have never really dreamed. Nothing is as it was, but all is well with my soul.
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AuthorI am a Christian, a wife, a mom, and a part-time basket case who wants to be a full time writer.
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