3/21/2017 2 Comments March 21st, 2017Today is my 25th anniversary. 25 years of marriage. Over half my life! I was 24 when I said “I do”. Our wedding was the classic early 90’s shindig. Early 90’s in Oklahoma meant big hair and big dresses. I had a sorority sister sing The Lord’s Prayer, we had elegantly dressed groom’s men with tails and white gloves, and, of course, we had the pipe organ blasting Trumpet Voluntary as we exited the sanctuary. It was a day full of pomp and spectacle that led to the reality of what matters: the marriage.
The details of planning the perfect day didn’t leave much time to think about life after the vows, and the mandatory, 15-minute counseling visit with the pastor prior to the ceremony was woefully inadequate. The wedding was wonderful as far as showy, ostentation goes; the marriage has been a far more turbulent, and far more rewarding experience. I used to joke that we were both “too lazy to leave”, but I believe that the truth is we are both far too obstinate to give up. I will say that the last few years have been some of the most trying of our time together, and I’m not sure when I have ever felt closer to him. I have come to the realization, through a brutally honest friend of mine, that for a marriage to work more than love is required. A large dose of like is worth far more than passionate nights and extravagant vacations. Being in love isn’t nearly as hard as being in like. Over time, the cute little things that caught my attention and made me smile, started to bother me. The minor bothers became annoyances, and the annoyances grew into grievances. This pattern worked the other direction as well sometimes my little quirks got the better of him. I’ll admit I haven’t always been the easiest person to live with. My poor husband has had to endure the baby blues four times, the occasional PMS, and now the wonders of perimenopause. My guy just can’t get a break. So why stick it out when the times are hard? Because for us, divorce is not an option. Please don’t misunderstand, I know so many people that divorce IS the only option, and their lives are so much better after they make that choice. But for us, it’s not a choice. Our problems can be handled, if we choose to handle them. And I am happy to say that we have made that choice. Every day I pray for my husband and our marriage. Every day I chose not just to love him, but to like him. The two of us have decided to turn from our pain cycle to our peace cycle. Turning this ship around is going to take time, but it will be well worth the effort. I guess we reached the point where we decided not just to endure our marriage, but to enjoy it. What a concept! I wish I had realized the importance of taking delight in the moments that have made us a couple earlier. Smiling more and stressing less, making more time for the man I share my life with and not just the kids we created. Somewhere during the course of our marriage, I started to take the man I love for granted. The most important worldly relationship I have became commonplace. My priorities were not right. So now after a marriage encounter weekend, counseling, and harsh smack upside the head from reality; I realize that I have not always been the wife I needed to be. And this whole time I thought I was perfect! I just assumed that any problems we had were solely his responsibility. I’m not actually that arrogant, but I did believe that most of the blame rested on his shoulders. Ridiculous! The next 25 years are going to be more challenging for a different set of reasons. We are soon to be empty nesters. All four of our parents are in their seventies and currently in okay health, but reality is that isn’t always going to be the case. We are starting to face health issues of our own, and timw is not on our side. As much as there is about the future that is daunting, there is so much that looks bright. I can’t wait to experience the next 25 years with the man that I love. We have come through so much, I have the confidence we can get through whatever is coming, if we stick together. God knew what He was doing when He choose Dan to be my husband. It wasn’t a mistake that we met, it was the greatest blessing of my life. It is time I started treating as such.
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AuthorI am a Christian, a wife, a mom, and a part-time basket case who wants to be a full time writer.
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