5/18/2021 0 Comments May 18th, 2021After a week that saw my best efforts thwarted by my best intentions, I decided to reread the book “Boundaries” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. As I reread the first chapter, I was reminded of the boundaryless person I had once been, and felt a moment of relief when I realized I hadn’t fallen too far back into my old ways, but I had been slipping down that slippery slope and needed a refresher in how to say no and when to say yes.
I didn’t take this journey without prompting. After a particularly awkward situation that ended up with a clueless me being momentarily detained by the cops, my supervisor recommended I take a closer look at what constitutes good boundaries and what might just be enabling. As she said, “Things are a little different here. You need strong boundaries. You literally came from an organization that was called ‘No Boundaries’, but you really do need to develop some good ones in this job.” Her observation was spot on. The old place was great and the “No” referred to boundaries on God, but my enmeshed personality had not heard that. I was attempting to mother the marginalized. Adopting the job as the world’s babysitter is exhausting and ridiculous and a little dangerous. As the saying goes: “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” I can’t fix the problems of others, and when I try, things just end up worse. My take away after a week of screw-ups that were quite humorous and protected by HIPPA was that I had lost myself trying to help others and that in the process, the others I tried to help were simply enabled to keep going in their less than beneficial ways. It’s like history repeating itself, but this time I recognized (or my boss did) the problem and was redirected in a more positive way. There are so many takeaways from this most recent foray into codependence. The first was, I don’t want to be that person that I was again. This little dance down memory lane was eye opening and educational. I also learned that vigilance in pursuing a passion can sometimes come at a cost. When I take on responsibilities that aren’t mine and try to control outcomes that I can’t, I risk burnout (and apparently incarceration. Long story, can’t go into details.) It also leads to disappointment, discouragement, and disillusionment; three words I try to avoid. The best thing I learned from this encounter with my old self was that positive people can really help when you make a wrong turn. My tribe helped me the first time I set up positive boundaries and knocked down impenetrable walls (read the book, there’s a difference). My new colleagues hold me accountable in a similar fashion. I need the strength, support, and wisdom of others to help me see the blind spots that I stumble into on a regular basis. I am grateful that even after 53 years of bungling through life, God never gave up on me. These times of regression aren’t the end, they are just a new opportunity to learn. So new and less enmeshed goals have replaced my old ones that kept me mothering adults that needed guidance, not a babysitter. It’s time for me to grow up so that those around me can too! Once more, into the fray!
0 Comments
|
AuthorI am a Christian, a wife, a mom, and a part-time basket case who wants to be a full time writer.
Archives
January 2023
Categories
All Believing When It Is Hard Boldness Courage Gifting Healing Intentional Leading My Story My Words The Retreat |