I attended my second journaling workshop the other day. I went there feeling guilty about leaving my family for the evening. I came back refreshed. Why do we as moms feel guilt leaving our families for a few hours just to stretch our legs. Sometimes when the well runs dry you I need to seek out a fresh supply of energy away from my family, just for an hour. Even if it means just closing the door and hanging a “Do not Disturb” sign.
I’ve journaled for years. Squeezing moments from the chaos to try and collect my thoughts, but I have never allowed myself the luxury of alone time just to rejuvenate myself. For so long, I neglected caring for myself. Everyone else was first (and I know that is the way it should be). But there was always this nagging sensation that I was near the end of myself and I didn’t have anything left to give. Whenever I finally reached the end of me, my exhausted self would wallow in self-pity or apathy and just go through the mom motions. Barely functioning, almost faking it, until I would hit a wall. I would get back up and start the same pattern of “selfless” sacrifice again. It wasn’t a pretty circle.
Now I realize that my time alone with God is so necessary. It’s a time that I can let Him refill me so I have more to give to others. The moments in the week that I take for myself away from my family are strengthening and enlightening. They refill me. Allowing pause every day is crucial to my ability to bring help to others. And so I allow myself to journal, alone and with others.
Artists need to paint, musicians need to play, & I need to write. It’s my therapy!
It isn’t selfishness, its mindfulness. Its cleaning the clutter of soul so clarity and caring can shine through. When I journal, it’s between God and me. When I blog, it’s with the hope that my words will reach just one person. I know I am not the best writer around, but maybe that’s not what God has called me to be. Maybe someone just needs real, and not ridged adherence to grammatical rules.
I am trying to be true and transparent so God shines through the cracks and completes a picture of me that I still can’t see. Taking the time to study his word and talk to him daily gives me a peace that I never had when I ignored that innate need to fold into his presence every day.
When I feel called to scribble words in my journal, I try to heed it. Some of those ponderings make it to the blog, some don’t.
The peace that I feel with God during my quiet time helps me throughout my day. It’s a pleasure I can’t push aside any longer. The guilt for the moments of quietness is gone.
My family deserves a refreshed me, not a stressed me. A few moments to myself give them that.
I am a Christian, a wife, a mom, and a part-time basket case who wants to be a full time writer.