Weird how I claim victory one day and feel completely defeated the next. Does my lack of trust betray a lack of faith? Or are bad days just part of the normal human existence? Is it completely absurd to think that every moment of everyday is going to be fantastic just because I am saved? Probably a yes to all three of those questions.
My faith is lacking when I claim victory and then get impatient when I don’t see an immediate result. Bad days happen, duh! And God never promised an easy road when we follow him. In fact, he warns us that there are troubles and tribulations a plenty when we start to walk the path he calls us to walk. We know that. So why do I get startled when the hard times come?
For me, it is a mindset of negative thinking that I have been trying to overcome. I have slogged through so many years of depression that I sometimes forgot how powerful positive thinking really is. When I see myself nearing that slippery slope of hopelessness that slides so easily to despondency, I know I need to stop and breathe and “be real”. The worst case scenarios that are playing out in my mind are so incredibly fantastic they would make a pretty good work of fiction. It’s in that moment that I need to stop myself and pray and visualize a better outcome.
When I found out that my seasonal employer wanted to keep me on, I was elated. When I found out that they had reconsidered I went from okay, to pensive, to convinced foreclosure was near within a matter of hours. But when I stopped and prayed through my money concerns, I realized that not working there was the opportunity I had been praying for all along.
I have been praying for break through with different family issues for a while, I now have the chance to work on them. There are so many Honey-do projects around the house that are continually neglected because of a time crunch, I now have the time to accomplish those goals. I have the freedom to work more fully for God, how awesome is that!
As I prayed through my pity party, my eyes were opened to the beautiful things that God has in store for me this year. And none of the things he showed me involved punching a time clock. My value and worth as a person isn’t wrapped up in whether or not I am bringing home a meager paycheck. There is a ministry I am being called to that supersedes my selfish needs. This an opportunity, not a calamity.
God’s got this. Why am I worried?
I am a Christian, a wife, a mom, and a part-time basket case who wants to be a full time writer.