Hitting bottom was a blessing. The free fall before hand was exhilarating. I was under the mistaken impression that I was flying, but I was actually plummeting toward the earth and gaining momentum. When I finally slammed into the rocks below me, it felt like I was so completely shattered that I would never recover. I almost didn’t.
A lot of people experience that complete fracturing of everything they are so I won’t pretend that there is anything unusual about my fall. My splintered soul ached the further I fell away from God. As much as the crash hurt, I wouldn’t change it. I lost myself and found something better. The hard correction was necessary to take me where I should have been to begin with. If the road had been easier, I would have stayed in my bubble of complacency.
I think that is what the psalmist is talking about in Psalm 119:71 “It was good for me to be afflicted
so that I might learn your decrees.” The realization that a wonderful good can come from a horrible bad was a lesson hard learned for me. It took years of being beaten over the head with the truth before my mind and heart were penetrated by the truth: GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME! No matter what my present circumstances are, his goodness covers every situation.
Joy is possible in pain, poverty, and problems. Knowing this gives me a confidence to face the unknown with a boldness I have never before possessed. Plummeting towards the abyss felt like flying, but I was dying. Now I am soaring with the Spirit, and the view is magnificent.
I am a Christian, a wife, a mom, and a part-time basket case who wants to be a full time writer.