Sometimes it seems like our lives, our world, or our God are just moving too slowly. I want tomorrow over so I can make it to the next day. Why is this impatience so much a part of who I am? I need to remember that God sends everything in his time, but I also need to remember that each day is a treasure. I become so focus on a future that may never happen I lose the moments of today.
My husband once said that I am never really there when we are having a conversation. After a lot of thought and consideration, I realized it was true. I have a bachelor’s in Psych and one of the things that is taught to counteract stressful situations is going to a “Happy Place”. I have become an expert in avoidance and feigned apathy by escaping through my thoughts.
The realization that I am in a semi-delusional state a good portion of the time is revealing and releasing. God has given me this little jewel of self-contrivance to illuminate yet another part of my life that I need to change.
I am not alone that often because I am always surrounded by things I enjoy in my happy place.
How much of my kid’s lives have I overlooked because I was stressing about tomorrow? How much of the conversations that should have been meaningful between my husband and myself have I tuned out of because I simply couldn’t bear the words and their weight?
My husband’s monologues are epic in this family. He can drone on and on for hours before coming up for breath. Maybe he carries on the way he does because he is never really heard and thinks that the endless prattle from his mouth will call attention to his cause and case.
I need to grasp every moment and breathe in the incredible opportunities of the here and now. Every moment I get to spend with my kids is a blessing. The time that my husband spends with me is a blessing. Yes, we still have issues, but it is much easier to work through them if we are talking to each other as opposed to ignoring/belittling/lecturing the other.
I believe that if I can learn to pay attention, he can learn to talk without preaching a sermon from the sofa.
My life on this side of the semicolon has been going on for less than a year. I still have a way to go, but part of the journey is looking at myself truthfully in the light of God’s love and correcting the flaws he reveals to me as they become more noticeable. It is a process, a journey, and an odyssey, but that doesn’t mean I am a project, a joke, or an oddball. It means I am a sinner saved by Grace and am finally enjoying the journey that is life.
I am a Christian, a wife, a mom, and a part-time basket case who wants to be a full time writer.