Reason or Season
A slow dawning realization has seeped into my thoughts lately: I don’t have a healthy view of relationships. Over the years, I have developed a pessimistic view of friendship. In my mind, friends came into your life for a reason or a season. They either used you for a specific purpose or left when times got tough. Not a terribly cheery life view.
I have always had acquaintances out the wazoo and even the occasional drinking buddy, but not much depth. I never seemed to get it right when it came to choosing or maintaining friends. And I had grown weary of searching for something that didn’t seem to be obtainable. It’s exhausting trying to figure out the agenda, angle, or ulterior motive of everyone you meet.
That was life, until recently. When God answers prayer, he does so abundantly! I have found myself blessed by trustworthy, loyal, and wonderful friends. At first, I kept “looking for the catch” or “waiting for the other shoe to drop” or just trying to figure out why they would want to hang out with a loser like me. What possible reason or motivation would cause this strange behavior? Feeling liked and valued is a new and somewhat overwhelming feeling. I honestly think I could get used to it.
Maybe all the stuff I have been working through has opened me up to the possibility of what real friendships could be. My closed and damaged soul wouldn’t allow anyone in for fear of another betrayal. Possibly, my own issues sabotaged what I was trying to obtain and by finally dealing with those problems, I have released my inner self- abasing, self-destroying titan.
This is where faith kicks in. Do I trust again and move forward; or do I remain hesitant and resist this pull to connect? Should I choose the hurt of isolation over the sting of abandonment? Perhaps, I should give everyone a break and realize that we all bring our own baggage into relationships. An inadvertent error doesn’t have to be a catastrophic event when friends share mutual respect, love, and Christ.
Climbing Mt. Everest is a feat of strength and endurance that people recognize, climbing back into the world can be just as challenging even if no one acknowledges it. With God and my new companions by my side, I am ready to make that journey.
I am a Christian, a wife, a mom, and a part-time basket case who wants to be a full time writer.