Intentional. That was my word for 2016. I had every intention of living up to word. I was going to be intentional with everything I ate, read, did, and said. I deleted most of my games from my phone so the temptation to waste time playing foolish things wouldn’t distract me. I started the tedious process of going through every item I owned in every room I had so I could get rid of all the clutter and crap that distracts me. I even started a very strict and regimented diet so I could become the healthy, productive person God created me to be. And then January 2nd dawned!
I actually stayed on track for the first three months of the year and then the small steps back to where I started became larger. It was all very innocent at first. Seemingly little things I allowed myself to get away with because I felt I somehow deserved them gave me permission to get even further off course. I went from intentional to indulgent very quickly. I allowed every distraction the world has to offer to crowd out every good intention.
I have been pursuing so many good things that I have failed to seek out what’s best. But at least I had good intentions, right?
God put it in my heart that I was to quit my job in December of 2014. I finally followed his instructions in May of 2015, I had to get my husband on board. From December to May, I joined or participated in everything that came down the road in an attempt to find my calling. I haphazardly flung myself into new and uncomfortable situations trying to figure out God’s plan. I knew what he wanted me to do the whole time, I was just trying to convince him that my way was better. It didn’t work.
That year of searching and growing did yield some incredible things and helped build the foundation I am wobbling on top of now. But now I need to be more focused. I need to be intentional to the minutia of the daily to get to the promise of my potential.
I’ve quit three different jobs this year with God’s prompting, all because I feel called to something more, and yet I’m still apprehensive about the future. God is telling me to rely on Him once and for all. I need to quit finding ways to spend my time that distract me from His goals instead of helping me reach them. I need to reset my focus on Him and become more intentional again.
This year is half over, but it’s never too late to start again. I am not going to search for the next thing to help me make money or fill in the gaps that I don’t think God notices. What I eat, read, do, and say will serve a purpose. I am going to be intentional again, and this time I intend to stick with it.
I am a Christian, a wife, a mom, and a part-time basket case who wants to be a full time writer.