So the whole intentional thing is harder to restart than I thought. I rededicated myself to being intentional about everything yesterday. This conviction that I needed to change my direction came about after a brief jaunt into compulsive eating, spending, and whatever other vice struck my fancy at the moment. I meandered form earnest intention to eager indulgence without a second glance. Finally, after several pounds and bounced check charges, I realized the error of my ways and struck out again with a reinvigorated spirit to consider each moment and make the best choice. Hmmmm…. Already off course after 18hrs.
My first mistake came last night when I went to the store to pick up the romaine for the salad. I, of course, had my coupons at the ready and my apps open that give me cash back when I make certain purchases. (Sidenote: apps that you give cash box when you buy something are awesome, look into it.) I diligently sought out the freshest looking bunch of lettuce, choose the body soap that was both the best price and had an accompanying coupon, and ignored the chip aisle altogether. Great accomplishments for a salt craving, lettuce hating person like myself. I then flipped through the offers I found on my phone, feeling pretty smug that I would be able to continue to choose wisely on my stroll through the store.
One of my apps said I could earn $1.25 (double the usual amount) if I purchased two bags of M&Ms that very moment. The exciting part of this for me was that also had a coupon for the candy AND it was on sale. It was almost like they would be paying me to take these bags of goodies out of the store. Seriously, how could I resist? Besides, I reasoned, if I get the ones that have peanuts and almonds in the center, I’m really getting a healthy alternative, right?
I left the grocery store last night on cloud nine. I had picked up only the things on my list with the small exception of two unnecessary bags of almost, healthish candy, but they were just too good a deal to pass up.
In my defense, I did gift the chocolate covered almond ones to a friend who is struggling with something, but kept the peanut ones. I came home and poured them into the antique milk glass candy dish I had gotten from my grandma, they made my dining room looked so homey. They were a bright, colorful reminder of my frugalness from earlier that day. When I woke up this morning, they were a garish beacon flashing on my etegere saying “eat me”.
One or two crunchy candies wouldn’t be that big of indulgence, I reasoned. But the next thing I know, I’m sitting at the computer, chomping chocolate by the handful, while checking Facebook posts. Amazingly, the delicate milk glass container that held the candy didn’t negate the calories I was consuming. The fact that I was mostly reading inspirational posts didn’t make the social media site any less of a time suck. My first journey back into intentional living was thwarted and it wasn’t even lunch time! How come I am so easily distracted?
In the old days, I would curl up in a ball and curse my lack of obedience and will power, but today I am choosing to look at the few items I did get done before I scurried into the rabbit hole of idleness. The dishes are done, the floor is mopped, and I have started clearing out one kid’s room for his great overhaul/remodel. Maybe I didn’t stay focused, but I started. And I think today, that is enough.
Intentional living has to be more than a strict adherence to rules, it needs to be an intentional choice to forgive myself when I get off track and cut myself some slack when I veer off course. The road to Hell is paved with good intentions, but the road to peace is paved with forgiveness and an occasional indulgence. I just need to be more intentional with my indulgences!
I am a Christian, a wife, a mom, and a part-time basket case who wants to be a full time writer.